honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
