the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
