I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
