got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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