high people should be assigned attendants
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
