And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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