you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
