i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
