he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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