I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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