Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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