I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
