how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
my poor anus
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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