I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I showed him my bush... on skype.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
