Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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