dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
