Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I would fuck him just for his dog
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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