Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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