'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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