It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize