My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
