I think I won the penis lottery.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
