So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize