thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
