My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
