Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize