all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
