Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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