your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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