She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
