dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
