WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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