even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize