All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
