I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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