I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
