dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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