I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
