The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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