"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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