Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
