she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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