It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize