he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize