You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
