I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
