OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
