Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i believe in u and ur pee
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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