1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
