Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
