I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
