You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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