how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
