I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
