Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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