My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i need some magic done to my vagina
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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