i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Randomize
