You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
