In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
