They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
