I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just cropdusted the office
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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