I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
