Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
