Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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