So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think I just sharted jello shots
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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