Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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